Police Say Drunk Birds Will Sober Up Soon

Influx of drunk birds prompts Minnesota police chief to issue statement

Influx of drunk birds prompts Minnesota police chief to issue statement

The chief explained that the city experienced an early frost this year, expediting the fermenting process in berries, which produces alcohol. In recent days, they have been flying perilously close to windows and cars, and generally seem to be discombobulated.

Hilariously, the Gilbert Police Department has received so many calls regarding suspicious birds that it was forced to issue a statement telling residents to relax and let the birds do their thing. Berry fermentation is the answer.

Younger birds can not handle the toxins as well as older birds, local police chief Ty Techar said in a statement.

"Oh my! That explains all the birds bouncing off my window lately", said one resident. "They have actually fallen out of trees on occasion". Police did note, however, that witnesses should be in touch if they see "Big bird operating a motor vehicle in an unsafe manner" or "Woodstock pushing Snoopy off the doghouse for no apparent reason".

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As for Gilbert's winged drunkards, "There's no need to call law enforcement about these birds as they should sober up within a short period of time", per the police statement, which adds that there are some bird-related occurrences that should be called in.

The police force is asking, however, that residents watch out for "any other birds after midnight with Taco Bell items", or "Angry Birds laughing and giggling uncontrollably and appearing to be happy".

A third resident claimed to have found three dead birds on her deck, while another was forced to brake hard when a bird flew into her auto windshield.

Authorities expect they will sober up some time in the near future.

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